PANTS LOCK |
How not to get into someone's pants online: put your best foot forward... and right into your mouth. These are real "hello" messages and chat transcripts from dating sites. Submit your own, or get updates on Twitter. |
you write well! was this glib, or did it take a little time? I think you’re too young for me, in many ways. Maybe I’d go as far as to say too alive.
I’m a bit surprised you’ve had to turn here to the internets seeking companionship, but then, no, multi-dimensional humans just aren’t that easy to come by. I wish you well with it all. I’m convinced of one thing at least, that if you and had great power in this world, the world would be better for it.
Homicide: Not the worst idea ever for a first date, but close.
Ahem: Jerking it to dating sites makes you a “sex conoisseur” the way snapping cell-phone photos of your drunken taste test of various drive-through French fries makes you a foodie.
Hold your horses, dude. Imagining you dripping with protein is at least third-date material.
I knew buying pork chop lingerie would pay off!
“Explore”? Ah, wait, it must be a reference to John Mayer’s follow-up single: “Your Body Is an Amazonian Rainforest from a Time Predating Slash-and-Burn Farming and Large-Scale Soybean Cultivation, Lying in Wait to Be Discovered by an Intrepid Adventurer.” Sold! I’ll get my pith helmet.
I wasn’t expecting “bullshit artist” to be quite so literal.
That makes it sound like there’s one other person out there and you want to make us fight.
