PANTS LOCK |
How not to get into someone's pants online: put your best foot forward... and right into your mouth. These are real "hello" messages and chat transcripts from dating sites. Submit your own, or get updates on Twitter. |
Sorry, but the last time I loaned out my vagina, my neighbors kept stalling whenever I asked them to return it and it was super awkward for weeks. I ended up having to sneak into their garage and steal it back from their toolbox. It had dirt all over it from being kept next to the lawnmower and took me hours to get it clean and running again.
Genderqueering: hot.
Unsolicited, lovingly detailed, completely self-absorbed monologues from total strangers: not.
Im more of the Unlawfull type, ban ov theives , Night breed sort, I squat abandon houses and scam the goldenCoast as often as possiable and talk back alot and get my scrawny bum smackd by big grunty macho duds alil tooo often , yet i am also a resistance hungup ascetic who only hardly dabbles in intoxicants..uhhh am i talking to much , ? >
> what i ment to say was just
heyyy! are u open to see other people too cuz ur really neat!?
Hey! So. There’s this awesome thing with computers where when you’re typing, instead of saying “wait I didn’t mean to say that” you can just, like … not.
Someone who has read the part of my profile that is titled “looking for.”
“Stalker.” The word you’re looking for is “stalker.”
Homicide: Not the worst idea ever for a first date, but close.
| Him: | U have beautiful eyebrows! |
| Me: | Thanks… I think? |
| Him: | Part of my motivation was to encourage you not to tamper with them, modify them or try to hide them Many women believe that the Creator knows less than they do about what looks good and wind up butchering their eyebrows and wind up looking very scary. |
Fortunately I don’t mind spoilers for movies I’ll never watch.
Whatthefuck.
Hold your horses, dude. Imagining you dripping with protein is at least third-date material.
