PANTS LOCK |
How not to get into someone's pants online: put your best foot forward... and right into your mouth. These are real "hello" messages and chat transcripts from dating sites. Submit your own, or get updates on Twitter. |
-
Link
2
NotesI jus happen to luv bi girls and you sound like a fun simple person.You’re right, I am fun! My favorite fun is laughing until my spleen cracks at people who reduce everyone to two-dimensional stereotypes!
-
Link
1
NotesHi,
I’m sorry I don’t have any photographs up - I’m married and I’d like to keep it that way. But you look very cute, and intriguing and I think I’d like to get to know you more. I’m not one of those sex-only types.You’re not “one of those sex-only types,” but you’re sneaking around on your wife. You’re clearly into relationships.
-
Link
2
Notes
- Hungry Praying Mantis Salutation
- Black Widow’s Embrace
(Source: odhs)
-
Link
3
Notes
Oh god you’re like a snack machine full of everything horrible.
“Oh, man! I wanted Fritos, not Fuck Nos.”
-
Link
3
Notes
You apathy me, but whatever.
(Source: okloveletters)
-
Link
8
Notes
-
Link
2
Notes The Poetry of Craigslist: PLEASE READ CAREFULLY B4 RESPONDING - m4w - 28 (Woodbridge)HELLO. IM LOOKING FOR A NORMAL AND I REPEAT NORMAL SANE WOMAN WHO WANTS TO HAVE SUM SEXUAL RELATIONS. NOW THIS MEANS NORMAL SEXUAL RELATIONS. DONT EMAIL ME TALKN BOUT HIT ME WITH A WIP OR STEP ON MY DAM BACK CAUSE U CAN TAKE YALL SICK VRAZY ASSES BACK TO THE MENTAL INSTITUTION. PPL WILL GET TO…
A post from our magical sister blog “eecummingsoncraigslist.”
-
Link
1
Notes
Oh, I’ll tell her. She’s coming over again tonight. Once we wear each other out in the bedroom, we cuddle up in bed and laugh about your dating technique.
-
Link
What I’m curious about evolution is why our excretory organs are located in the same area that our birth related external organs are. Now, it makes sense that our food stuffing orifice is located at the opposite end of its excretory orifice, but then the birth canal is located in the same excretory area. Perhaps birth is really a shitty thing to do to each other. lol Just think, if our excretory orifice(s) were in our hand(s), it’d be easier to use them. Would we then cover them like we do with pants, dresses, nickers, where they are currently located? Or wear gloves with a zipper in the appropriate place, always, actually, like is being done, already, at the cashiers stations. It’d be easier to, again, ‘shit’ on people we don’t get along with. lol, again. And then, why if ‘we’ve’ had oral sex for as long as ‘we’ have, that we haven’t died off long ago, if any coincidental excremental consumption was/is so harmful? Riddle me that one, hun?
For your first message? Do not tell me about your orifices, food-stuffing or otherwise.
-
Link
your green tights make me want to impregnate you
“… because I am actually a snake, and seeing your legs like that, all I can think is ‘threesome.’”
