PANTS LOCK

Awesome! I’ve always wanted to learn Estonian folk dancing! But what’s the hot tub got to do with it?

But I’m not wearing red. At all. In any of my photos.

Well, considering we’ve never communicated before, I have no idea what you’re talking about or why you think you know so much about me, and I’m completely baffled as to who you are and what’s going on, it’s a little weird. But I’m a David Lynch fan, so to answer your question: Yes.

Do you have a minute? ‘Cause I’ve got some social mores I’d like to show you.

Sure, you can fly me to San Francisco. From San Francisco. Where I live. Which it says on my profile.

From An investment banker’s cover letter for a second date on Reddit.

This one’s way more fun when you replace the word “it” with “a life-size bronze statue of a monkey.”