PANTS LOCK

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I really meant it when I said hi, btw. :)

So the ten prior messages weren’t just you being coy?

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I like your pictures by the way you are very cute, my gf thinks so too and we would like to talk to you and get to know you and maybe see what happen would you like to see a pic of her

[here he included links to two pictures]

I wanna share my gf

Violet, bless her, sent us her reply:

So, um, point of interest? Most dykes are not going to be so into a girl without knowing a little bit more about her. Does she have hobbies? Do we like the same kinds of music? Even if we’re just into having a hot fling with a girl, we probably still want to get to know her a bit first: are we sexually compatible? Are we looking for the same thing, however brief? Does she have a face?

I want to emphasize that last point.

Disconnected, porny shots of hot womens’ bodies without their faces might do it for guys, but they will mostly make lesbians wonder why the photographer sucks so bad they couldn’t even get her face in the frame.

It’s also the case that messaging gay girls telling them that your want us to date your girlfriend might not be so effective as you might think. For one thing, it implies that she might not be entirely on board with the whole enterprise. (I have to say, this suspicion is rather heightened by the fact that your own profile lists you as single.) For another, your response rate can’t be good: I did with your first message (which is, I note, identical to the message you just sent me) what I do with all messages from dudes—I briefly considered sending it to Pantslock, then deleted it unread.

In conclusion, I think your girlfriend should get her own OK Cupid profile, and she should message me from it, so we can go out and I can give her a series of such mind-blowing orgasms that she will break up with you reflexively. I mean, Red Hot Chili Peppers? Seriously?

(His profile mentions that his favorite band is Red Hot Chili Peppers. Specifically, it says, “Love the Red Hot Chili Peppers they are my favorite band,” so we know that he’s also a fan of run-on sentences.)

#actual reply #hello have you met my fetish #sexism nip slip #wtf #submission #okcupid

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So ay girl, you looking for a stud? Because I got the std, all I need is u.

Nope, but I’ve got a couple E’s. Come over and we can roll on horseback!

#queso suave #okcupid #submission

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Could I borrow your vagina for a few hours?

Sorry, but the last time I loaned out my vagina, my neighbors kept stalling whenever I asked them to return it and it was super awkward for weeks. I ended up having to sneak into their garage and steal it back from their toolbox. It had dirt all over it from being kept next to the lawnmower and took me hours to get it clean and running again.

#wtf #okcupid #submission

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I’m from Spain and I’m moving back there very soon, my dream is to be once with a black girl and in Spain there are none… So I feel like this is my last chance… If you don’t think I’m an ass at this point, please I’d love to hear from you!!

My dream is a world free of racist creeps! Looks like today we both lose.

#are you my unicorn? #submission #okcupid

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This may seem strange in a way. However, my gender I feel is feminine. It probably sounds weird for a man to be feminine. Even so much so, that I would not mind wearing a skirt or a dress. In fact, I am wearing a brown skirt and a red top right now. Also wearing pantyhose, as it is so cold here tonight. I love being girlish-like and like going to sales, I like shoes (though have not tried high-heels yet.), like lingerie, like pretty bras and panties, and of course, love all kinds of dresses. I wish I in a lot of ways that I had a Mom who could show me how to dress the right, and also how to walk and sit the right way. But I guess I have to learn this on my own. As strange as it is, I am also of course in a man’s body too, so have to cope with this.

Genderqueering: hot.

Unsolicited, lovingly detailed, completely self-absorbed monologues from total strangers: not.

#wtf #okcupid #submission

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Im more of the Unlawfull type, ban ov theives , Night breed sort, I squat abandon houses and scam the goldenCoast as often as possiable and talk back alot and get my scrawny bum smackd by big grunty macho duds alil tooo often , yet i am also a resistance hungup ascetic who only hardly dabbles in intoxicants..uhhh am i talking to much , ? >

> what i ment to say was just
heyyy! are u open to see other people too cuz ur really neat!?

Hey! So. There’s this awesome thing with computers where when you’re typing, instead of saying “wait I didn’t mean to say that” you can just, like … not.

#wtf #it's the one three keys to the right of 0 #okcupid #submission

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hello, what are you looking for on here?

Someone who has read the part of my profile that is titled “looking for.”

#wtf #okcupid #submission

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I think you’re the first person I’ve seen with enough altruism to admit to liking TV. How pase!

[a couple wandering paragraphs of forced whimsy]

So what’s in your fridge right now? Not what used to be or what you want to be. Just open the fridge door and continue the cycle of altruism.

My altruistic deed for the day is refraining from correcting your deeply flawed attempt to impress me with your vocabulary.

#I do not think it means what you think it means #submission #okcupid

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you smoke? im lookin for a fun and wild party buddy who just likes to get fuked up and have a good time and not give a fuk. if u were FUKED up at a party, and all a sudden there was a fat 10 inch c o c k in ur face? what would u do?

It’s a toss-up between saying “Oh, sweetie, you think that’s 10 inches?” and the “Home Alone” scream.

#no reason #okcupid #submission