PANTS LOCK |
How not to get into someone's pants online: put your best foot forward... and right into your mouth. These are real "hello" messages and chat transcripts from dating sites. Submit your own, or get updates on Twitter. |
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NotesI jus happen to luv bi girls and you sound like a fun simple person.You’re right, I am fun! My favorite fun is laughing until my spleen cracks at people who reduce everyone to two-dimensional stereotypes!
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NotesHi,
I’m sorry I don’t have any photographs up - I’m married and I’d like to keep it that way. But you look very cute, and intriguing and I think I’d like to get to know you more. I’m not one of those sex-only types.You’re not “one of those sex-only types,” but you’re sneaking around on your wife. You’re clearly into relationships.
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It’s so sweet how curious you are about what *I* want.
Do you enjoy big/huge cocks? ;-) This is no lack of respect, I just want to know if you ENJOY it ;) If you do, perhaps you want to be taken by one…
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Notes Ah, in the immortal words of Shakespeare: “Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, love is all the other ‘stuff’ between a man and a woman”I just took the photo tour while in bed on my iphone Despite the lame comments I still wish youveere here in bed with me Your looks aline totally aroused me I read your fopey lame profile and? still aroused I guess it proves chemical reactions overvrule all other “stuff” between a man and a woman. I dont want to be friends with you (well
maybe afterwards). I want to devour you cupcake but in a pleasant way If tbat sounds good to you let me know OK Im going to jump into the shower now a cold one.(Source: pantslock.com)
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Oh, I’ll tell her. She’s coming over again tonight. Once we wear each other out in the bedroom, we cuddle up in bed and laugh about your dating technique.
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How come these sentences never end with something like “… is it true that all women can secretly fly?”
(via okcgoldmine)
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NotesHIM: Hi Can u el me?
HER: I’m sorry, what?
HIM: I just asked u can u help me
HER: With what?
HIM: I really need to have sex Want to do it with u
HER: Wow. Does that line ever work?
HIM: I didn’t try it before…………..
I’m new in This area I~m hot guy but I’m looking for a good partner
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I was honest with u…
Can u help me about that?
HER: Um, no.
HIM: Thanks alot
(we love hyperbole and a half alot)
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NotesHey I have a fantasy I want to fulfill with some1 that fits your descriptionWell that’s … I was gonna say “refreshingly honest” but I don’t think “refreshing” is quite the word. More like “the psychic equivalent of that smell towels get when you leave them damp under the bed.” So, that kind of honest.
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What I’m curious about evolution is why our excretory organs are located in the same area that our birth related external organs are. Now, it makes sense that our food stuffing orifice is located at the opposite end of its excretory orifice, but then the birth canal is located in the same excretory area. Perhaps birth is really a shitty thing to do to each other. lol Just think, if our excretory orifice(s) were in our hand(s), it’d be easier to use them. Would we then cover them like we do with pants, dresses, nickers, where they are currently located? Or wear gloves with a zipper in the appropriate place, always, actually, like is being done, already, at the cashiers stations. It’d be easier to, again, ‘shit’ on people we don’t get along with. lol, again. And then, why if ‘we’ve’ had oral sex for as long as ‘we’ have, that we haven’t died off long ago, if any coincidental excremental consumption was/is so harmful? Riddle me that one, hun?
For your first message? Do not tell me about your orifices, food-stuffing or otherwise.
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Charles Baudelaire, of course, being a staple of the booming crossover literary salon / nail salon industry. Les Fleurs du Mal really put the “French” in “French manicure.”
(via okcgoldmine)