PANTS LOCK |
How not to get into someone's pants online: put your best foot forward... and right into your mouth. These are real "hello" messages and chat transcripts from dating sites. Submit your own, or get updates on Twitter. |
This being the internet, there’s only a ten percent chance he’s joking.
Awesome! I’ve always wanted to learn Estonian folk dancing! But what’s the hot tub got to do with it?
What I risk losing by immediately accepting every offer tendered by a rando who likes my smile, ascending order of seriousness:
But I’m not wearing red. At all. In any of my photos.
Bobby “Ballin’” Fisher, what hast thou wrought?
Your myths and fables are inspiring. How I long to hear them from your lips. Do you ever turn them into songs?
I would write you a Lay, a verbal, sonic feast for your symmetric teeth. I know you are currently partnered, but could you use a bard or minstrel?
Tell you what: You can be my bard, as long as you follow me around all day, every day, playing the theme from “Shaft.” We can switch it up at the gym with the theme from “Rocky.”
Man, I can’t wait until we get to know each other and the barriers start coming down and we can get all relaxed and secure and share what we’re really thinking.
Sure, you can fly me to San Francisco. From San Francisco. Where I live. Which it says on my profile.
Dude, lose the “lols.” Former adult film star, divorced and dad are already a lot to process at once, so the last thing I need is the mental image of you hyena-laughing in your underpants after every unfunny sentence.
