PANTS LOCK

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Hi Kitten:

I am looking for a new pussy and you might be the one.

Please review my profile and reply ASAP.

Have a nice day.

I’ll pass.

Dick.

#sexism nip slip #submission

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I like your pictures by the way you are very cute, my gf thinks so too and we would like to talk to you and get to know you and maybe see what happen would you like to see a pic of her

[here he included links to two pictures]

I wanna share my gf

Violet, bless her, sent us her reply:

So, um, point of interest? Most dykes are not going to be so into a girl without knowing a little bit more about her. Does she have hobbies? Do we like the same kinds of music? Even if we’re just into having a hot fling with a girl, we probably still want to get to know her a bit first: are we sexually compatible? Are we looking for the same thing, however brief? Does she have a face?

I want to emphasize that last point.

Disconnected, porny shots of hot womens’ bodies without their faces might do it for guys, but they will mostly make lesbians wonder why the photographer sucks so bad they couldn’t even get her face in the frame.

It’s also the case that messaging gay girls telling them that your want us to date your girlfriend might not be so effective as you might think. For one thing, it implies that she might not be entirely on board with the whole enterprise. (I have to say, this suspicion is rather heightened by the fact that your own profile lists you as single.) For another, your response rate can’t be good: I did with your first message (which is, I note, identical to the message you just sent me) what I do with all messages from dudes—I briefly considered sending it to Pantslock, then deleted it unread.

In conclusion, I think your girlfriend should get her own OK Cupid profile, and she should message me from it, so we can go out and I can give her a series of such mind-blowing orgasms that she will break up with you reflexively. I mean, Red Hot Chili Peppers? Seriously?

(His profile mentions that his favorite band is Red Hot Chili Peppers. Specifically, it says, “Love the Red Hot Chili Peppers they are my favorite band,” so we know that he’s also a fan of run-on sentences.)

#actual reply #hello have you met my fetish #sexism nip slip #wtf #submission #okcupid

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Well aren’t you gorgeous for being so young and so very tiny…thought you were much younger at first. It’s not often I can say that about such a fragile and innocent girl being very attractive. You probably can’t keep up with an experienced, adventurous and naughty bad man unfortunately, can you? ;-)

…we’d definitely make good looking kids though, the world may not be ready for them!

The mind is hotter than the hottest of bodies…what do you have up there cutie???

Nice job spamming so hard that my roommate and I got this message just a few moments apart.

#double dog dare #sexism nip slip #white van full of puppies and lollipops #copy and paste-up artist #submission

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The difference between plural and possessive is how men like their women. Men like women in pluralities, but hate the possessive ones… Is that right?

Nope. But everyone hates men who are singularly annoying.

#submission #sexism nip slip #stop right there

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I love women that can hold a conversation and aren’t afraid to challenge a man on any topic… Oh and I just love tall women, I think your more attractive than shorter women.

#sexism nip slip #SEXISM NIP SLIP

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Hi nice pictures. Are you having a fun week?

[no response, and then three weeks later …]

How is being shallow and only responding to douchebags with abs working out for you? I’m sure you have been used for at least a couple of douchebags for sex by now but hey maybe that’s all you are looking for.

Makes you wonder what he thinks his mom is up to when she won’t answer the phone.

#sexism nip slip #wtf #submission

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I also like maturity and I do like mature woman to settle down with and have a few kids and visit world too. Maturity has a different fragrance. It gives a tremendous beauty to the individual. It gives intelligence, the sharpest possible intelligence. It makes her nothing but love. Her action is love, her inaction is love; her life is love. I think mature woman is just a flower of love. I could feel from your profile that you are mature person.

Uh … I’m 22. Is this what happens when a pedophile falls for an older woman?

#tmi #sexism nip slip #submission

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You deserve the kind of date that leaves a person with tingles at the memories of pleasant words and kind gestures.

How does one approach that possability?

By not assuming you already know what I “deserve,” for starters.

#noblesse oblige #sexism nip slip #submission

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Of course I know you don’t need the Internet to get laid or have sex. You are a woman and attractive and all you would ever have to do to get laid in this world is to raise your hand and say,”Ok monkeys, I’d like to get laid now. Form a line to the left and please make sure to fill out the form completely……..”.

“… Question one: Are you able to get as far as ‘hello’ without being sexist? If you checked ‘no,’ please join the line under the large red arrow labeled ‘CLIFF.’”

#sexism nip slip #submission