PANTS LOCK |
How not to get into someone's pants online: put your best foot forward... and right into your mouth. These are real "hello" messages and chat transcripts from dating sites. Submit your own, or get updates on Twitter. |
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Notes Ah, in the immortal words of Shakespeare: “Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, love is all the other ‘stuff’ between a man and a woman”I just took the photo tour while in bed on my iphone Despite the lame comments I still wish youveere here in bed with me Your looks aline totally aroused me I read your fopey lame profile and? still aroused I guess it proves chemical reactions overvrule all other “stuff” between a man and a woman. I dont want to be friends with you (well
maybe afterwards). I want to devour you cupcake but in a pleasant way If tbat sounds good to you let me know OK Im going to jump into the shower now a cold one.(Source: pantslock.com)
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How come these sentences never end with something like “… is it true that all women can secretly fly?”
(Source: okcgoldmine)
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Notes![[From an OKCupid profile: ”The six things I could never do without: Love, reddit, my fedora, my pocket knife, my Android, my thoughts. I spend a lot of time thinking about: My Little Pony, especially Fluttershy, and Men’s Rights.”]
“There, there. No need to cry. You’re not a bad dragon, you just made a bad decision. Now go pack your things. You just need to find a new place to sleep. That’s all.”
- Fluttershy](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbc5ggagn21r1rcveo1_400.png)
[From an OKCupid profile: ”The six things I could never do without: Love, reddit, my fedora, my pocket knife, my Android, my thoughts. I spend a lot of time thinking about: My Little Pony, especially Fluttershy, and Men’s Rights.”]
“There, there. No need to cry. You’re not a bad dragon, you just made a bad decision. Now go pack your things. You just need to find a new place to sleep. That’s all.”
- Fluttershy
(Source: yardsard-archive, via dontbeanassholelearntolovedonuts)
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"I am trying to help you become positive by getting mad at you, telling you you're wrong, making generalizations about women, ordering you around and making you feel guilty about statistics I made up" "Well, I am trying to help you become shut up."
Him: the your/you’re complaint is a far bigger profile cliche than saying “i’m bad at these sort of things” Him: you and every third girl on this site are lying about how upset that typo makes you Him: and yes, it is a typo. stop being mad about typos. Finch: That’s some good negging you’ve got there. Him: i reacted to your negativity. towards poor uneducated people and/or people with short attention spans. i’m trying to help you become positive -
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You seem crazy and challenging! Good luck!
As the submitter says: “Likewise, buddy.”
Included in the guy’s profile is this gem: All I would like is an open minded woman that isn’t fucking batshit crazy. Is that too much to ask for?
Nope, if your definition of “open-minded woman” is “open-minded woman” instead of “inconvenient woman,” which you’ve clearly rounded up to “batshit fucking crazy.”
Just sayin’.
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Notes![[Screen capture: You should message me if I am going out on a limb here with this profile, I have been hurt a lot and so I have learned women are all the fucking same, so message me if you can prove me wrong…]
God, I know! Women, with their constant “talking” and “shopping” and “having their own motivations and feelings and desires” and “unilaterally dumping you for being the kind of dude who, instead of reflecting on his past and seeking to undo old, bad habits that hold him back from the intimacy and partnership he so obviously craves, writes off 51 percent of the population as jerks to avoid having to do all that hard fucking work”! Am I right, guys?](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2cte89KEA1qghopso1_500.png)
[Screen capture: You should message me if I am going out on a limb here with this profile, I have been hurt a lot and so I have learned women are all the fucking same, so message me if you can prove me wrong…]
God, I know! Women, with their constant “talking” and “shopping” and “having their own motivations and feelings and desires” and “unilaterally dumping you for being the kind of dude who, instead of reflecting on his past and seeking to undo old, bad habits that hold him back from the intimacy and partnership he so obviously craves, writes off 51 percent of the population as jerks to avoid having to do all that hard fucking work”! Am I right, guys?
(Source: conversation-parade)
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Notes Not “hate men” so much as “kill them with our teeth and bathe in their blood,” no.Hello, first I must say I dont really understand feminists nor do I think I ever will. Does that mean you hate men?
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Notes.. And more importantly, are you really level headed and past traditional gender roles? I ask bcuz i often hear people say that, but it usually actually tends to translate into them taking advantage of whatever ‘traditional or untraditional ’ role that benefits them at whatever particular moment.Only amateurs use feminism as a base for decrying stuff like misogyny and rape culture and the silencing of women’s voices. Real pros know you can use it for stuff like claiming the last slice of pizza.
(via okcupidmessages)
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Hi Kitten:
I am looking for a new pussy and you might be the one.
Please review my profile and reply ASAP.
Have a nice day.
I’ll pass.
Dick.
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NotesI like your pictures by the way you are very cute, my gf thinks so too and we would like to talk to you and get to know you and maybe see what happen would you like to see a pic of her
[here he included links to two pictures]
I wanna share my gf
Violet, bless her, sent us her reply:
So, um, point of interest? Most dykes are not going to be so into a girl without knowing a little bit more about her. Does she have hobbies? Do we like the same kinds of music? Even if we’re just into having a hot fling with a girl, we probably still want to get to know her a bit first: are we sexually compatible? Are we looking for the same thing, however brief? Does she have a face?
I want to emphasize that last point.
Disconnected, porny shots of hot womens’ bodies without their faces might do it for guys, but they will mostly make lesbians wonder why the photographer sucks so bad they couldn’t even get her face in the frame.
It’s also the case that messaging gay girls telling them that your want us to date your girlfriend might not be so effective as you might think. For one thing, it implies that she might not be entirely on board with the whole enterprise. (I have to say, this suspicion is rather heightened by the fact that your own profile lists you as single.) For another, your response rate can’t be good: I did with your first message (which is, I note, identical to the message you just sent me) what I do with all messages from dudes—I briefly considered sending it to Pantslock, then deleted it unread.
In conclusion, I think your girlfriend should get her own OK Cupid profile, and she should message me from it, so we can go out and I can give her a series of such mind-blowing orgasms that she will break up with you reflexively. I mean, Red Hot Chili Peppers? Seriously?
(His profile mentions that his favorite band is Red Hot Chili Peppers. Specifically, it says, “Love the Red Hot Chili Peppers they are my favorite band,” so we know that he’s also a fan of run-on sentences.)