PANTS LOCK |
How not to get into someone's pants online: put your best foot forward... and right into your mouth. These are real "hello" messages and chat transcripts from dating sites. Submit your own, or get updates on Twitter. |
what did the bat say to his girlfriend?
you’re fun to hang around with :)
Good thing I have ears twice the size of my head, because without echolocation, there’s no way could I find the humor in that weak-ass joke.
Nope, but I’ve got a couple E’s. Come over and we can roll on horseback!
Sure, you can fly me to San Francisco. From San Francisco. Where I live. Which it says on my profile.
… and it took about half a moment to compose this message, I’m guessing.
Brutally unkind you are to interact with me, dear girl… it took me weeks to stop meandering back to your photo’s and when, at last, it seemed I had come to terms, you write me a note…
Thankfully you didn’t encourage me at all… for that would have probably been my entire undoing… but I’m sure this one shred of contact will be enough to keep me “accidentally” finding my way back to your profile for another several weeks…
Be safe and well, dream girl.
Yoda is a stalker? Ew.
I’ve got got honey kisses and dazzle-nectar, ambrosial caresses and strawberry pancake breakfasts in bed, forever and ever, amen. Feel your mouth water? Feel your mind and heart unite in their craving for my delicious feast?
Give in to the magic, sweetheart. Slip into my Soul Kitchen and let’s fill each other up. Now please repeat after me: “All I want is everything.”
Awww, I remember my first Tom Robbins book.
