PANTS LOCK |
How not to get into someone's pants online: put your best foot forward... and right into your mouth. These are real "hello" messages and chat transcripts from dating sites. Submit your own, or get updates on Twitter. |
I haven’t been naked in front of anyone in 9 years— i’m officially gross and hate myself.
I’m looking for someone to ‘be totally open’ with. if you’re her, I’d be honored to talk to you.
“So, I gotta tell you, this car needs some work. It’ll need some major stuff done before it can even limp to an auto shop, and it’ll probably take a box of still-warm donuts, a wad of bills and some sweet-talking to keep the mechanic from taking it out back and giving this car the Ol’ Yeller treatment it’s silently begging for. Every part of the drivetrain is hosed, the suspension is shot, the electrical system got eaten by squirrels and there’s a wasp’s nest the size of a fist under the hood. And that curdled milk smell — it turns out that’s just what all the interior plastic smells like when it breaks down, so you can’t get it out of the car because it is the car. So with all that going on, I’d say I can’t let this car go for anything less than $600 over Blue Book.”
Forget the Daddy thing: My real fantasy is an alternative culture that isn’t policed from within by a bunch of judgmental dickbags.
Oh, I’m not falling for that one again, not after “fuck hard and stuff” turned out to mean “you start talking about your recent ex as soon as I take off my shirt.”
Please, please, please be Lewis Thornton Powell.
