PANTS LOCK |
How not to get into someone's pants online: put your best foot forward... and right into your mouth. These are real "hello" messages and chat transcripts from dating sites. Submit your own, or get updates on Twitter. |
-
Link
I really meant it when I said hi, btw. :)
So the ten prior messages weren’t just you being coy?
-
Link
Well your not saying a lot on the im thingy so i thought i should send you a little of my work let me know what you think…..
Wow, thanks for the long, long poem mentioning mirrors, screaming, high school, souls, voices in your head and “penetrating gazes”! Now I can invite my friends over for a fast-paced game of Maladjusted Bingo!
-
Link
1
NotesI see that you stopped by my profile and did not even say hi. I know you have more manners than that. All you had to do was say hi and the conversation would have flowed from there!
Do you have a Facebook? How can I find you?
You say “conversation,” I say “berating quasi-stalking.”
-
Link
1
NotesI’ve been stalking your profile for over a year now! Would you meet up with me next time I go [to town]?As in, walk outside and look for the weirdo holding binoculars in the bushes?
-
Link
1
NotesBrutally unkind you are to interact with me, dear girl… it took me weeks to stop meandering back to your photo’s and when, at last, it seemed I had come to terms, you write me a note…
Thankfully you didn’t encourage me at all… for that would have probably been my entire undoing… but I’m sure this one shred of contact will be enough to keep me “accidentally” finding my way back to your profile for another several weeks…
Be safe and well, dream girl.
Yoda is a stalker? Ew.
-
Link
Second message, 7:15pm:
I’ll take that as, “no, I’m not interested.” Too bad, I think we have a lot in common.
Third message, 7:37pm:
No. Seriously. There is only so much you can get from a profile ( I have a feeling I used ‘there’ wrong….that gets me every time.) WAIT! I deserve a chance…..ask me 5 questions ….if i get one wrong…throw me out! I am so willing to face the challenge, I’m a real person…….and i REALLY like your profile……..what can i do to win your favor ???? 5 questions…I’m over a fire pit….If i get one wrong….just one….I’m falling into the fire!!!……I deserve a chance…. I’m very impressed with your profile, your intelligent, and can back it up,(you being OMG sexy doesn’t hurt either)If you’re this worked up and anxious over message, 20 minutes into an actual date you’d probably be belly-up on the restaurant floor and peeing a little.
-
Link
This one had a follow-up.
-
Link
[redacted]: hi [redacted]: are you busy? [redacted]: u fat bitch -
Link
Perhaps you’re used to MySpace, where you can reply to your “fan” mail at your convenience. This is a dating site, where people are often more interested in making genuine connections with other people. It may take some getting used to.
-
Link
1
NotesWhat if you just come over to my house after having sex with your boyfriend and we can just snuggle and talk and I can pretend that we are in love?
