How not to get into someone’s pants online: put your best foot forward… and right into your mouth. These are real “hello” messages and chat transcripts from dating sites. Submit your own, or get updates on Twitter.Tumblr (3.0; @pantslock)http://pantslock.com/<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/eb5a476921fa8e4732998d185c2359a2/tumblr_mhtl1bUZT31rnz6ato1_500.png"/><br/><br/><blockquote> <p>Damn.</p> <p>You seem really great. I read through your profile word for word; thinking we’re really get along. You seem driven, cultured, intelligent, and yet laid-back. You seem to have refined taste, yet still a child at heart. Over-all [sic], you seem like the type of person whom with which [sic] I’d get along.</p> <p>And then, feeling pretty great about messaging you, I get to this part; “You would pay for drinks.”</p> <p>Great.</p> <p>For the record, I am that guy that pays for drinks. I was raised a gentleman, and although I have complicated ideas about what that means in today’s society, I still get the tab the vast majority of the time. However, the nerve to blatantly request such a thing seems rather tactless. It says, “yes I am using you for your money, and you are paying for my presence”. I don’t know, I would never start a relationship by asking for monetary favors. It just seems bizarre.</p> <p>I just really wanted to communicate that to you. I really hope you have a wonderful night, and I wish you the best of luck.”</p> </blockquote> <p>“So, someone gave me this horse as a gift, but I’m a little weirded out because I actually really wanted a horse but I didn’t want it to know it was a horse? So now I’m going to sit the gift horse down and explain to it why it makes me uncomfortable and why it should probably feel at least a little ashamed of itself for what it did. I mean, I’m not looking for tears or anything, just an apology. Maybe a handwritten note.”</p>http://pantslock.com/post/42536189777http://pantslock.com/post/42536189777Thu, 07 Feb 2013 15:30:26 -0800ok cupidokcupidstop right theresomeone is wrong on the internet<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/0b3279b004cdc408c7d3871d06ee7992/tumblr_mhtpnjdj5g1s460fko1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>DUDE.</p> <p><a href="http://okcebooks.tumblr.com/">THIS BLOG.</a></p> <p><a href="http://twitter.com/Horse_ebooks/">@horse_ebooks</a> meets persistent dudes and the occasional pick-up artist.</p> <p>Now we here at Pants Lock are imagining a relentlessly bubbly computer horse babbling to itself on what others would call a Walk of Shame and what @horse_ebooks would call <a href="http://twitter.com/Horse_ebooks/status/299055894744940544">Fences and Triangles</a>.</p>http://pantslock.com/post/42467295318http://pantslock.com/post/42467295318Wed, 06 Feb 2013 16:58:00 -0800ok cupidokc<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/da3e07e0876ee3dfdebc478e010ee2fa/tumblr_mhguvi3j481rbg0cgo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><3</p>http://pantslock.com/post/42385621441http://pantslock.com/post/42385621441Tue, 05 Feb 2013 15:30:31 -0800unicorn chaser<p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://onlinedating-adventures.tumblr.com/post/41921984085/okbingo">onlinedating-adventures</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><img alt="image" src="http://media.tumblr.com/68cb539c5644fa542f5d98c2a69b4994/tumblr_inline_mhh21hZnoj1qz4rgp.jpg"/></p> <p>If he makes Bingo within 24 hours, block him.</p> </blockquote> <p>If one message fills two squares anywhere on the board, <a href="http://pantslock.com/submit">it probably belongs in our submit box</a>.</p>http://pantslock.com/post/42308242431http://pantslock.com/post/42308242431Mon, 04 Feb 2013 15:30:07 -0800psa<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/a2e17fc36bb56431f3e9f3ca29194981/tumblr_mhhe3dGkn51rumvezo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://bulletprooftigerdude.tumblr.com/post/41934838839/more-from-the-online-dating-vault-i-have-enough">bulletprooftigerdude</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>More from the online dating vault. I have enough material to last a long long time.</p> </blockquote> <p>Pants Lock hearts the SCUDA.</p>http://pantslock.com/post/42228638046http://pantslock.com/post/42228638046Sun, 03 Feb 2013 15:30:09 -0800actually awesomeunicorn chaser<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/9a46e748f727a7de68d88e8a592d6289/tumblr_mhhesxjJtI1qg6432o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://the-real-kanikkers.tumblr.com/post/41935226197/tell-me-im-funny">the-real-kanikkers</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>TELL ME I’M FUNNY</p> </blockquote> <p><3 You totally are.</p>http://pantslock.com/post/42138528882http://pantslock.com/post/42138528882Sat, 02 Feb 2013 15:30:15 -0800unicorn chaseractual reply“I jus happen to luv bi girls and you sound like a fun simple person.”<br/><br/> - <em><span>You’re right, I am fun! My favorite fun is laughing </span><span>until my spleen cracks </span><span>at people who reduce everyone to two-dimensional stereotypes!</span></em>http://pantslock.com/post/42054668963http://pantslock.com/post/42054668963Fri, 01 Feb 2013 15:30:07 -0800wtfjust greedyyou call that a complimentsubmission“Hi, <br/> I’m sorry I don’t have any photographs up - I’m married and I’d like to keep it that way. But you look very cute, and intriguing and I think I’d like to get to know you more. I’m not one of those sex-only types.”<br/><br/> - <em>You’re not “one of those sex-only types,” but you’re sneaking around on your wife. You’re clearly into <em>relationships</em>.</em>http://pantslock.com/post/41981535222http://pantslock.com/post/41981535222Thu, 31 Jan 2013 16:26:23 -0800wtfstop right theresubmission<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/16e1c87b83931a3ac9d821c4cf21bdf1/tumblr_mheb7kouaU1ritf2qo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><ol><li><span>Hungry Praying Mantis Salutation</span></li> <li><span>Black Widow’s Embrace</span></li> </ol></p>http://pantslock.com/post/41899173547http://pantslock.com/post/41899173547Wed, 30 Jan 2013 15:31:00 -0800okcupidwtfno reason<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/d64f9af3e9dcefb24489165fe1f77aae/tumblr_mh4ew0LOVH1s2iayso1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://okc-creepshaming.tumblr.com/post/41348820593/oh-god-youre-like-a-snack-machine-full-of">okc-creepshaming</a>:</p> <blockquote> <div> <p>Oh god you’re like a snack machine full of everything horrible. </p> </div> </blockquote> <p>“Oh, man! I wanted Fritos, not Fuck Nos.” </p>http://pantslock.com/post/41818800350http://pantslock.com/post/41818800350Tue, 29 Jan 2013 15:30:13 -0800wtf<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/c584b74a23d97922dc3d97f071bdbe79/tumblr_mh54c4TBY81rtdrtxo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://hiddenhaiku.tumblr.com/post/41368061564/hidden-haiku-45">hiddenhaiku</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>Hidden Haiku #45</p> </blockquote>http://pantslock.com/post/41736639786http://pantslock.com/post/41736639786Mon, 28 Jan 2013 15:30:21 -0800unicorn chaser<p>Someone needs to invent a browser add-on that adds a row of little Nice-Guy^™-in-a-fedora silhouettes down the side of a profile, like the kill tally painted on the side of a WWII fighter plane. Any takers?</p>http://pantslock.com/post/41735256058http://pantslock.com/post/41735256058Mon, 28 Jan 2013 15:14:00 -0800ok cupidokcupid<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/4def813007f188b172fdeed84e622f09/tumblr_mftn6msXDu1s1gfeso1_500.png"/><br/> <br/><img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/f541ffbb385c14782bbeb1077e9e01c3/tumblr_mftn6msXDu1s1gfeso2_500.png"/><br/> <br/><img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/98cfa8c232406c36ff4eda601dabee67/tumblr_mftn6msXDu1s1gfeso3_500.png"/><br/> <br/><img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/3c282455b4ffcc1ef2b07b3780390afc/tumblr_mftn6msXDu1s1gfeso4_500.png"/><br/> <br/><p>“I just want you to consider the idea that maybe you’re not as amazing as you think you are.”</p> <p>[much later]</p> <p>“btw, if you had a bad day or something, and i pissed you off, i’m really sorry. i wrote this assuming you are doing well and had a good day.”</p> <p>This guy’s day:</p> <ol><li><span>Wake up.</span></li> <li><span>YELLING AT STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET</span></li> <li><span>YELLING AT STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET</span></li> <li><span>YELLING AT STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET</span></li> <li><span>YELLING AT STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET</span></li> <li><span>YELLING AT STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET</span></li> <li><span>YELLING AT STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET</span></li> <li><span>YELLING AT STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET</span></li> <li><span>wondering why online dating isn’t working out.</span></li> </ol>http://pantslock.com/post/41650959585http://pantslock.com/post/41650959585Sun, 27 Jan 2013 15:30:13 -0800SOMEONE IS WRONG ON THE INTERNETokcupidok cupid<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/f0195453b87f76de4bbb3682b73e4bd2/tumblr_mh3iiw3kzM1rnz6ato1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>You apathy me, but whatever.</p>http://pantslock.com/post/41559722374http://pantslock.com/post/41559722374Sat, 26 Jan 2013 15:30:22 -0800wtfyou call that a complimentYou apathy me<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/24423d0912089189a906a063d20f768d/tumblr_mh5ckezJ3D1r27n8no1_r4_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><img height="665" src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/0b372e895a4f97da57943626fe74abc9/tumblr_mh5wkdmFpz1qd6tt1o1_500.png" width="396"/></p> <p>Done.</p>http://pantslock.com/post/41474802883http://pantslock.com/post/41474802883Fri, 25 Jan 2013 15:30:20 -0800okcupidok cupidwtf<p>Do you enjoy big/huge cocks? ;-) This is no lack of respect, I just want to know if you ENJOY it ;) If you do, perhaps you want to be taken by one&#8230;</p>http://pantslock.com/post/41393805665http://pantslock.com/post/41393805665Thu, 24 Jan 2013 15:30:26 -0800no reasonok cupidsubmission<a href="http://eecummingsisoncraiglist.tumblr.com/post/40237366309/please-read-carefully-b4-responding-m4w-28">The Poetry of Craigslist: PLEASE READ CAREFULLY B4 RESPONDING - m4w - 28 (Woodbridge)</a>: <p><a href="http://eecummingsisoncraiglist.tumblr.com/post/40237366309/please-read-carefully-b4-responding-m4w-28" class="tumblr_blog">eecummingsisoncraiglist</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><span>HELLO. IM LOOKING FOR A NORMAL AND I REPEAT NORMAL SANE WOMAN WHO WANTS TO HAVE SUM SEXUAL RELATIONS. NOW THIS MEANS NORMAL SEXUAL RELATIONS. DONT EMAIL ME TALKN BOUT HIT ME WITH A WIP OR STEP ON MY DAM BACK CAUSE U CAN TAKE YALL SICK VRAZY ASSES BACK TO THE MENTAL INSTITUTION. PPL WILL GET TO…</span></p></blockquote> <p>A post from our magical sister blog “eecummingsoncraigslist.”</p>http://pantslock.com/post/41312468134http://pantslock.com/post/41312468134Wed, 23 Jan 2013 15:30:16 -0800craigslistwtfstop right there<p>I just took the photo tour while in bed on my iphone Despite the lame comments I still wish youveere here in bed with me Your looks aline totally aroused me I read your fopey lame profile and? still aroused I guess it proves chemical reactions overvrule all other &#8220;stuff&#8221; between a man and a woman. I dont want to be friends with you (well<br/> maybe afterwards). I want to devour you cupcake but in a pleasant way If tbat sounds good to you let me know OK Im going to jump into the shower now a cold one.</p>http://pantslock.com/post/40961522145http://pantslock.com/post/40961522145Sat, 19 Jan 2013 15:30:10 -0800ok cupidsexism nip slipstop right theresubmission<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/ef62cf0931abe2efd6c135bb17fca68e/tumblr_mgp63xFcfi1qd6tt1o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><span>Oh, I’ll tell her. She’s coming over again tonight. Once we wear each other out in the bedroom, we cuddle up in bed and laugh about your dating technique.</span></p>http://pantslock.com/post/40876164733http://pantslock.com/post/40876164733Fri, 18 Jan 2013 15:30:25 -0800ok cupidokcupidwtfstop right theresubmission<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/ad6f773fa623b5682a78bbd59a7cedc7/tumblr_mg7xviPJui1qimrfvo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>SOMEONE IS WRONG ON THE INTERNET</p>http://pantslock.com/post/40795746614http://pantslock.com/post/40795746614Thu, 17 Jan 2013 15:30:25 -0800actual replySOMEONE IS WRONG ON THE INTERNET