|How not to get into someone's pants online: put your best foot forward... and right into your mouth.
These are real "hello" messages and chat transcripts from dating sites. Submit your own, or get updates on Twitter.
Goodness knows who you are or what you look like, but I am an adventuresome lad, some days, and it is cold and rainy, so I’m going to give you a semi-conditional proposition: I like to put on good records and massage women sprawled upon padding on the floor between my speakers. It is one of my favorite ideas of a good time. If lounging warmly and being pummeled and kneaded and stroked while soaking in good tunes resonates with you, sounds at all like it could be one of Your ideas of a good time too, well, heck, you should get back to me sooner than later, and we could think about meeting up over a cup of tea or plate of killer Indian food or whatever we please to negotiate from Strangerdom to Acquaintance. If we get a Feel for each other, and unless we turn out to be unbearably inhumane people with no humor in common, well might we make our way into some sort of a warm, dry, music-assisted massage environment for Joy in Simplicity. Now, I am a dude, and of course have a dirty, deviant mind and all that, but, believe it or not, I have a pretty spectacular track record of enacting scenarios like this Without putting my wee-wee on you*. I am not opposed to the idea, in theory…(in theory, who would be?)… In practice, people and their thingies are usually more complex and less universally compatible than that. But, I am interested in the possibility, based on your language, perceived intelligence, humor and given preferences, that we might get along, and that you might just be an open-minded lady who digs to be touched, and might have an open window of time in this week of cold, drizzly evenings et al.
*such things have happened, but I think it’s probably around 25%ish or less of massages-gone-sexy, and I would say I am almost never more than 50% to ‘blame’…people…they have such a wealth of interests and wants, but such a finite spectrum of Needs.