PANTS LOCK

Damn.

You seem really great. I read through your profile word for word; thinking we’re really get along. You seem driven, cultured, intelligent, and yet laid-back. You seem to have refined taste, yet still a child at heart. Over-all [sic], you seem like the type of person whom with which [sic] I’d get along.

And then, feeling pretty great about messaging you, I get to this part; “You would pay for drinks.”

Great.

For the record, I am that guy that pays for drinks. I was raised a gentleman, and although I have complicated ideas about what that means in today’s society, I still get the tab the vast majority of the time. However, the nerve to blatantly request such a thing seems rather tactless. It says, “yes I am using you for your money, and you are paying for my presence”. I don’t know, I would never start a relationship by asking for monetary favors. It just seems bizarre.

I just really wanted to communicate that to you. I really hope you have a wonderful night, and I wish you the best of luck.”

“So, someone gave me this horse as a gift, but I’m a little weirded out because I actually really wanted a horse but I didn’t want it to know it was a horse? So now I’m going to sit the gift horse down and explain to it why it makes me uncomfortable and why it should probably feel at least a little ashamed of itself for what it did. I mean, I’m not looking for tears or anything, just an apology. Maybe a handwritten note.”

(Source: okloveletters)

DUDE.

THIS BLOG.

@horse_ebooks meets persistent dudes and the occasional pick-up artist.

Now we here at Pants Lock are imagining a relentlessly bubbly computer horse babbling to itself on what others would call a Walk of Shame and what @horse_ebooks would call Fences and Triangles.

<3

(Source: okcupidanswers)

onlinedating-adventures:

If he makes Bingo within 24 hours, block him.

If one message fills two squares anywhere on the board, it probably belongs in our submit box.

bulletprooftigerdude:

More from the online dating vault. I have enough material to last a long long time.

Pants Lock hearts the SCUDA.

the-real-kanikkers:

TELL ME I’M FUNNY

<3 You totally are.

You’re right, I am fun! My favorite fun is laughing until my spleen cracks at people who reduce everyone to two-dimensional stereotypes!

You’re not “one of those sex-only types,” but you’re sneaking around on your wife. You’re clearly into relationships.

1. Hungry Praying Mantis Salutation
2. Black Widow’s Embrace

(Source: odhs)

okc-creepshaming:

Oh god you’re like a snack machine full of everything horrible. 

“Oh, man! I wanted Fritos, not Fuck Nos.”